Everyone has Vegas stories.
I headed to Las Vegas, Nevada, with dreams of sharkskin suits and bottomless
tumblers of gin and tonic. What I got was old people in flip-flops, Heineken
in a bottle, and a pissed-off girlfriend. Vegas is expensive, full of hookers
and crackheads, and not the least bit like its recent depiction in the Ocean’s
11 remake. Until 10 or so years ago, the mystique of poker rooms and craps
tables, hard liquor and thick smoke, could only be attained via an airplane
and a credit card. But now, thanks to our lax state gambling laws, you need
only a few $10 bills and a half tank of gas.
In 1988 the feds passed the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act, which allows Native American tribes all over the country to negotiate compacts with state governments concerning card rooms on reservation land. Once the tribes began raking in buckets of cash, state and local governments began to loosen up restrictions for non-Native Americans. Not wanting to be left out of the chance to reap a profit from its citizens and their addictions, Washington state began to allow card rooms in taverns and cocktail lounges. In 1990 the Washington State Gambling Commission allowed for rooms to run blackjack tables, the number one moneymaker for casinos other than slots. Individual counties and cities have enacted their own regulations, and while King County has no restrictions on the books, Seattle doesn’t permit public card rooms–which is why the second you cross 145th Street on Aurora or, you’re assaulted by the neon signs of the dozens of mini-casinos and card rooms.
Below is a directory to some of the many casinos and card rooms within an hours’ drive of Seattle. Local casinos aren’t yet on par with the grandeur and sinful possibility of Las Vegas–nor will they ever be–but with Governor Locke supporting a multistate lottery, and places like Muckleshoot, Funsters, and Tacoma’s Emerald Queen Casino continuing to remodel and expand, gambling will continue to grow in the Puget Sound.
The question is, are you ready for another vice?
Drift on Inn Roadhouse Casino
16708 Aurora Ave N
206-546-4144
The Drift on Inn was a true roadhouse café established in 1930, and once
played host to Frank Sinatra, Harry Truman, and Bob Hope. Much of the old diner
is still in place, and the old brick and woodwork are a refreshing change from
the mirrors and carpet in most other casinos. The place was busy on the Tuesday
afternoon I visited, making me wonder when all these people find the time to
work. The bartender and wait staff are friendly and attractive, and the bar
is a beautifully restored 1845 oak-and-glass number brought over from New York
for $215,000. Granted, the 12-foot big-screen TV detracts from the bar’s historical
grace, but the 75-cent drafts and well drinks (from 3:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. every
day) more than compensate. There are 16 tables, as well as an upstairs nightclub.
If you’re feeling randy, the nightclub hosts “Men of the Northwest” every Thursday,
with the first 75 lucky ladies allowed in for free. The menu was a bit overpriced,
but the food looked excellent. Perhaps the best part of my visit was watching
the pit boss sing along to “The Reflex” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood as I exited
the dark casino into the dirty light of Aurora Avenue North.
Golden Nugget
910 N 145th St, Shoreline
206-367-2160
As I pulled into the parking lot of the small one-room casino at the undesirable
intersection of 145th Street and Aurora, I was a bit skeptical. It was 2:00
in the afternoon, and while there were no hookers in sight, the used condoms
and syringes decorating the sidewalk made Capitol Hill seem positively drug-free.
The lettering on the door read “Firearms Prohibited,” which also gave me pause.
But once inside, the clean room and cheerful staff eased my fearful first impression.
The room is small and well lit, with five tables in the center. The bar was
full, and the friendly Katie L. informed me that well drinks are always a buck
and draft beers come in 20-ounce glasses. The cheap drinks are a plus, because
the tiny surroundings left me wanting. The new remodel and fresh carpet alone
set the Golden Nugget apart from most establishments on old Highway 99, but
the cramped surroundings made me paranoid, like the walls might be closing in.
Goldie’s Shoreline Casino
15030 Aurora Ave N, Shoreline
206-440-8754
Goldie’s was once an old pool hall where serious under-the-table gambling took
place. Harry Platis, of Platis Cadillac, used to play nine ball here for $5,000
a rack. It has since been converted into a 15-table full-service casino and
dance club. The room is spacious, with several dartboards lining the far wall.
The casino floor reminded me of the cheap joints that litter the outskirts of
the Strip in Vegas, the ones with dollar blackjack and five-cent slots–you
know, the casinos where the hookers look like they’re from Seattle, not Sin
City. One walk through Goldie’s left me feeling depressed, but my spirits were
soon lifted by Randy, the Latin Tom Cruise of Shoreline. He talked a mile a
minute, flipped bottles and tumblers behind his back, and paced the bar rapping
along to LL Cool J. Wells are two bucks (happy hour is from 2:00 p.m. to 7:00
p.m.), and on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays they break out the good stuff,
offering two-dollar Hennessy and Long Island iced teas. If good drinks and $4.99
prime rib is your fancy, give it a try. For gambling, I’d take my pocketbook
elsewhere.
Parker’s Casino & Sportsbar
17001 Aurora Ave N, Shoreline
206-546-6161
Parker’s, once known for showcasing tacky bands of the ’70s and ’80s, has recently
remodeled and is now a gambling-only establishment. The main bar is decorated
in a tiki motif, and there are four pool tables (a rarity at most casinos, as
pool tables take up a lot of valuable space). The rest of the casino décor
is a little confusing, as there are Asian statues, bamboo covering for the tables,
and huge stuffed swordfish mounted on the walls. The 15 blackjack, pai gow,
and Caribbean stud tables are attractively laid out on the main floor, where
there is a second bar. The casino offers off-track betting for the pony races
at Emerald Downs, and Sunday through Wednesday you can play “Spin to Win,” with
fabulous prizes like barbecue grills or motorized scooters. Hot damn! Happy
hour is from 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., and domestic drafts are always a buck.
One nice thing about Parker’s, other than hearing “Master and Servant” there
three times in one hour, is that the casino and parking lot are wheelchair accessible.
Silver Dollar Casino
7004 220th St SW, Mountlake Terrace
425-775-5677
Croupier, the excellent British film from a couple years ago, showed a sultry
and literary side to gambling life. The main character, a dealer in an upscale
room in London, wore a fitted tuxedo. The staff at the Silver Dollar, along
with every other joint, wears cheap knockoffs delivered once a week from a uniform
service. The table conversation in the movie was witty and sexy. Sitting at
the blackjack table in Mountlake Terrace, all I heard were grunts and whimpers.
The film was shot in the drama of black and white. The SDC was done up in typical
American casino décor. I began to daydream that I was wearing a nice two-button
suit, black, with straight-legged slacks and a pink silk handkerchief. I was
drinking the best Bombay martini I’d ever had. The dealer lit my cigarette while
paying me out a tall stack of chips. I opened my eyes to a pudgy dealer with
a crooked clip-on bow tie taking my last five bucks. Crap.
Grand Central Casino
11804 Hwy 99, Everett
425-710-9600
This is a restaurant recently expanded to accommodate a nice little casino.
The food is great and the drinks are stiff. Mmmmmm.
Tulalip Casino
6410 33rd Ave NE, Marysville
888-272-1111
I almost skipped the Tulalip based solely on that horrible jingle that plays
throughout the casino’s oft-run commercials. The place turned out to be a lot
classier than its advertising, if you can call a casino in Marysville classy.
It’s a big joint, with 900 slot machines, a restaurant, and two delis. The tables
cater to the fat-pocket crowd, with full-size craps tables and blackjack with
a limit of $500. That’s 500 bucks per hand, each hand lasting less than half
a minute. I got the shakes just watching from the bar.
Funsters Grand Casinos
15221 Pacific Hwy S, SeaTac
206-988-4888
Funsters is another bastion of lights, booze, and good times. Jere Walker, GM
for the casino, is a former bodyguard for Elvis Presley. How badass is that?
The casino is large, with 65 televisions all over the place. There are tons
of tables, the best being single-deck blackjack (single-deck greatly increases
your odds). There is a stage area/nightclub, with such all-American events as
bikini/lingerie contests and kickboxing. If you’re looking for love (I mean
getting laid), you can try out the interactive dating game, where for 15 bucks
you can meet seven prospective mates in one hour. The kitchen supplies an endless
grill menu (vegetarians don’t gamble, do they?), with the yummy cheeseburgers
topping my list. For happy hour (3:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.), drafts are a buck,
top-shelf wells are three, and appetizers are three dollars off. There are daily
drink specials, including two-dollar Bloody Marys on Sundays. Sounds like breakfast!
Muckleshoot Indian Casino
2402 Auburn Way S, Auburn
800-804-4944
This is the granddaddy of local casinos. It’s mammoth, with over 70 tables,
1,500 slots and video machines, and a parking lot begging to get lost in. It’s
so damn big that it has become south King County’s number two employer. There
are two full restaurants, one huge-ass buffet, and a sushi bar. (Sushi in Auburn?
Get out!) Club Galaxy, a huge redneck meat market, is hosting the Miss Hawaiian
Tropic contest this summer. If strobe lights and music by Jr. Cadillac isn’t
your bag of chips, you can drink in the Cabana Lounge while listening to solo
piano. Perhaps the most dangerous table in the casino is Royal Match 21. You
place a bonus bet, separate from your initial wager, and if your first two cards
are the same suit, you get paid 2 to 1. You get 5 to 1 if it’s a blackjack in
the same suit, and 25 to 1 if you land a king and queen of the same suit. Fifteen
minutes and you’ve got rent money. One patron told me that things can get pretty
wild on the weekends, and a recent report of three dead Mexicans stuffed in
a green Taurus in the parking lot lends credit to his claim.
Rascals Casino
9635 Des Moines Memorial Dr
206-763-3848
There are many stories and legends concerning amphetamines, liquor, and gambling,
from David McCumber’s non-fiction road odyssey, Playing Against the Rail, to Paul Newman’s character “Fast” Eddie Felson in The Hustler. Booze
and lines of meth turn friendly games of poker or nine ball into 36-hour battles
of will. The high-stakes pool shark in Playing Against the Rail would
line up a money game with a speed freak, then go to the motel and sleep for
eight hours in his clothes, knowing that his adversary would be well tweaked
for their encounter while he would be sober and rested. I found myself thinking
of this while watching three hopped-up rockers in torn acid-washed jeans and
Ozzy T-shirts make a shaky attempt at counting cards at the blackjack table
at Rascals. For one, counting cards is only feasible if you’re an autistic savant,
like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Second, none of these spun-out mullets
could hold a match to the handsome grace of Cool Hand Luke.
Pete’s Flying Aces Casino
14101 Pacific Hwy S, Tukwila
206-433-8091
Small. Dingy. Scary. Walking out onto Pac Highway, I wondered if they really
did catch the Green River Killer. Or was he inside, ripping up pull-tabs with
his bare hands at the bar? I didn’t stick around to find out.
Emerald Queen Casino
2102 Alexander Ave, Tacoma
888-831-7655
The Emerald Queen is one of the best casinos in the Northwest. The main gaming
portion is on a refurbished riverboat, with a large building built next to it,
as well as a newly remodeled event pavilion. The casino is located on tribal
land in a seedy industrial area, but the container cranes, railroad tracks,
and polluted water of the Duwamish River add a great backdrop to the neon lights
and valet service. The layout is very confusing and Vegaslike, and there are
hundreds of tables and slots. The best part of the EQC, one that is missing
at many other casinos, is that you are never more than 40 paces from a bar.
There are three stage venues, one for comedians and DJs, one that acts as a
Jungle Fever pickup joint, and the main-event pavilion. The EQC has hosted
such greats as Tom Jones and Willie Nelson, and has sunk to the depths of Carrot
Top and Paula Poundstone, but its greatest achievement is the popular Battle
at the Boat series of professional boxing cards. Every six weeks the spirit
of old Atlantic City is rekindled with evenly matched fights, two full bars,
and a boxing-savvy crowd. After getting worked into a drunken lather watching
near-naked men beat each other silly, you can dance all night or blow your wad
at the tables. It’s what Saturday night was made for.
Freddie’s Club
333 15th St NE, Auburn
253-833-7100
Hmm… sitting in a booth at Freddie’s, I started to worry about this whole
casino thing–the casinos themselves, and the guide I was working on. At Freddie’s
I watched a pretty blond woman, no older than 23, playing at the Spanish 21
table. She was probably ditching her job as an insurance-company secretary or
beginning real-estate agent, as it was 2:00 in the afternoon on a sunny day.
She went to the ATM, conveniently located near the bathrooms, three times in
an hour. I felt extremely sad for her, because I knew she wasn’t winning, and
she didn’t have the sense to leave. Instead of spending her money on shoes or
food for her kid, she was letting it ride, over and over. And losing, over and
over. Casinos, like the lottery or pull-tabs, are marketed to poor people, preying
on their faint hopes by dangling cheap booze and bright lights in front of them.
Jesus, maybe casinos should stay in Vegas. At least the losers who arrive in
Las Vegas by the planeload have a ticket home. The people who live in ramblers
and trailers near Freddie’s can’t escape.
Gambling doesn’t garner the same attention as alcoholism or drug abuse, but the affliction carries as much impact as the more storied vices. But like those very addictions that many of us consider “maintenance issues,” gambling can eventually turn your life into one big 12-step program. Like some people swear off whiskey or cocaine in place of beer or pot, I’ve sworn off big-money gambling.
My short-lived foray into serious betting was long enough to scare me straight,
but brief enough to leave the taste in my mouth. Everyone likes to dress up
and play fat-cat, and everyone is attracted to danger. The trick is to know
what you’re there for, which is to play silly games and laugh with your friends.
If you know this going in, use this directory as a map to your next great Saturday
night. If you are unsure, stay at home and count your blessings. Cable TV isn’t
so bad.